Loneliness is a state of mind

The quiet irony of loneliness during seasonal celebrations

Seasonal celebrations like Christmas, Easter, or even birthdays are funny things, aren’t they? At first glance, they’re about joy, family, connection, and being surrounded by people. But underneath that façade, for many, they can be a time when loneliness feels most acute.

Loneliness is a curious thing. It isn’t tied to whether you’re physically alone. You could be surrounded by family, attending social events, or sitting next to a loving partner and still feel its sharp edge. It’s not about the number of people in the room; it’s a state of mind. And like many emotions, loneliness is irrational. You catch yourself thinking, ‘Why do I feel this way when I’m here with everyone?’.

For women especially, the weight of seasonal events can make this feeling more pronounced. They’re often in what I call ‘service mode’ – making sure everyone else is comfortable, happy, and taken care of. Whether it’s cooking for a family gathering, organising events, or ensuring gifts are just right, their own needs get pushed to the sidelines. Ironically, the more they’re doing for others, the lonelier they may feel.

What complicates this is the illusion of happiness everywhere. Social media is littered with curated photos – perfect families, pristine tables, laughter in abundance – all suggesting everyone else is having the most amazing time. Deep down, though, we know it’s not real. We know those pictures don’t tell the whole story. But even then, we’re left questioning: ‘Where am I in all of this?’.

The weeks leading up to these events don’t help either. Life becomes an intense scramble: deadlines at work, end-of-school chaos, endless to-do lists. It’s all-consuming. Then suddenly, the noise stops. The void appears. In that stillness, there’s space to think, to feel – and loneliness can creep in.

And here’s the truth: It doesn’t matter if you’re single, married, a parent, or child-free. It doesn’t matter if you have a full house or an empty one. Loneliness can exist in any context because it’s not about your circumstances; it’s about the disconnect between how you feel and what’s happening around you.

It’s human nature to search for connection; to crave the sense that we’re seen, understood, and valued. During seasonal events, when the world demands we perform happiness, that craving becomes more intense. And when it goes unmet, the loneliness feels sharper – almost like it’s being magnified against the backdrop of celebrations.

The irony is, we all experience this to some degree. Whether we’re busy cooking for a million or sitting in silence with no-one to cook for but ourselves, loneliness is universal. It’s one of the few feelings that doesn’t discriminate. So if you’ve felt it, know this: You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re human.

The next time you find yourself in that space – whether it’s during Christmas, Easter, or your own birthday – take a moment to step back. Let go of the illusion that everyone else is perfectly happy. Let go of the pressure to pretend you are, too. Connection isn’t found in perfection. It’s found in honesty. And sometimes, acknowledging the loneliness is the first step to softening it.