Who & What are We Really Attracted to?
Who or what are you really attracted to?
Danger? Safety?
A combination of both?
And who’s pulling the strings the most here – the rational ‘left brain’ or the creative and intuitive ‘right brain’?
Why am I mentioning this?
A client of mine once noted to me that, during her course of selecting a registered male escort, and considering a shortlist of them (and indeed sharing these with a group of female friends), she felt a certain innate pressure to display to her friends certain candidates that looked bad, dangerous, incredibly exotic (in using this term I simply mean of stark physical ‘otherness’).
But what she actually chose, in the end, was me. And to look at, I’m definitely none of these things.
It was such an intriguing thing to consider and discuss and it really got me thinking.
For fun, I considered my own wants, needs and desires and did some thinking. I considered times when I would be with male friends and how my own ‘public’ or ‘out loud’ opinion of who I theoretically found attractive would also be influenced by those present.
Isn’t this such a funny, curious and incredibly interesting human phenomenon to consider!
The way my brain sums it up is quite simple: there’s the reality and then there’s the fantasy.
The reality refers to what you intend to actualise into existence.
The fantasy is when you have absolutely no intention of actualising something.
So with the reality, it seems that many of us require a considerable amount of emotion of ‘safety’ in order to feel as though we could, should and are indeed feeling worthy of pursuing and actualising.
And with the fantasy – it’s often going to be something very different, extreme, dangerous, of significant exoticness (in its sense of ‘otherness’ from what we are as a person).
Some of us are more willing to put more danger into things we are prepared to attempt to actualise. Some of us do this consciously and deliberately and others do it without any control over themselves.
Others are only willing to ensure there are adequate levels of the ‘safety’ emotion when attempting to actualise something. And again with safety, some do this consciously while others have no control or choice in the matter.
It’s like considering who you would be most prepared to present to your parents, family, friends, colleagues and peers. Is that the person from your deepest, darkest fantasies? Or is it the person that your rational left brain deems safe and acceptable?
And who is it – or which is it – that we actually need and want ourselves?
I always jokingly say that you would be able to tell so much about a person by gaining access to their ‘recently watched’ pornlist and their recently played Spotify or Apple music list. It would be a marketer’s dream. And highly illegal!
Alternatively, just asking them to tell you about themselves and their tastes will yield a completely different response and portray a significantly different persona.
Finally, it’s also very interesting to consider whether choosing an escort – and in choosing I mean with the intention of making a booking and meeting them – would yield a slightly different outcome than say, seeking to choose someone in a standard type of setting like in online dating, a pub, bar or party?
Does the registered male escort perhaps invite or allow for a tolerance for more danger? Or indeed more safety, than usual?
Or does it make no difference whether they’re an escort or not?
One of my clients, who wishes to remain anonymous, has very kindly offered some thoughts on this very interesting topic:
Danger versus Safety. Bad boy versus Gentleman. For me Lucius is undeniably both. By way of paying Lucius, I am essentially creating privacy, safety and control for myself on my own terms. While also safely allowing myself to discover and experience those type of dark and devious sexual experiences we only ever think about when we’re alone. I think both the safety and danger are needed together in order to really reach the levels of intimacy and experiences that we crave and the levels that Lucius and I have reached together are absolutely insane.
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