What surprised Sydney’s 2DayFM Morning Crew about the women engaging male escorts
The interview that explored my experiences as a male escort in Sydney dedicated exclusively to women – and what the crew didn’t know
Hughesy: Yeah, this is a ripper. You know what? When you think of sex work, you normally think of women. You don’t really think of men very often.
Erin: There’s been a couple of movies made that feature male gigolos, but it’s not something that comes to mind straight away…
Exclusive to women: The demand for a female-only male escort in Sydney
Ed: What about a man who took up male escorting in COVID lockdown and is now making enough to work solely off that work. And used to work in marketing in London, of all places.
Hughesy: Well, let’s introduce him. Can we use your name here?
Ed: His one name – like Madonna – his name is Lucius. Hello Lucius.
Lucius: Hello team, great to be here.
Ed: I did tell Lucius, he’s too polite. I told him just before we started, this mic sucks. You gotta’ be close to this.
Erin: This is one of his selling points, he’s a gentleman. I know, I was going to say –
Lucius: – I always ask before coming… close.
Erin: Here we go!
Meet Lucius, a male escort that works exclusively with women
Hughesy: But also Lucius, I believe you want to eyeball people, to look at people, right?
Lucius: Absolutely. I want to connect with people. I’m selling connection. It’s a business of selling connection.
Hughesy: How old are you, Lucius?
Lucius: I’m 41, Hughesy.
Hughesy: Geez, you look good. You’re a handsome man. There’s no doubt about that. It’s fair to say that you are bald?
Lucius: I am, yep. I’ve been bald for a long time. You’re handsome as well, by the way, Hughesy.
Hughesy: No, look, I do appreciate that. He’s already sold me. You’re always selling, Lucius. Always. You work with women?
Lucius: Yeah, I work exclusively with women.
Ed: Yes. Can I give the website? sydneymaleescort.com au. Well, it’s all the title, isn’t it?
Lucius: That’s what it says on the tin.
Ed: Yeah, it does what it says on the tin!
“OK, so women (not to mention, men) want to know –
is there an apprenticeship to become a male escort?”
‘So, I’m assuming you’ve always been confident with women…?’
Hughesy: So it’s only been one year, is that true?
Lucius: Yeah, it’s been one year in this new life of mine, since putting up stumps on the marketing side of things, absolutely.
Hughesy: Now, did you always – I’m just assuming that you’ve always been confident in the bedroom – known what to do? Is that true or not?
Lucius: I’ve always had a very strong interest of all things bedroom, but not just sex things – connection, intimacy. It’s always been a strong interest of mine and I think in many ways I’ve been doing this all my life in a more kind of informal capacity.
Hughesy: For free.
Lucius: It’s what I’ve realised in hindsight. I’m a bit of a non-traditionalist; I’ve never really sought to get married, have kids and do the conventional thing. And you know, obviously actions speak louder than words and that’s kind of, actually, what’s happening. So, in many ways I always kind of considered this but, to be really honest? Living in kind of conventional, traditional, you know, Western cultures, there were a number of reasons that I gave myself as excuses to not do this.
And it took ‘till sort of being, you know, around the ripe old age of 40, 41, that I decided – you know what, it’s time to actually do what I want to do rather than what I think my parents want me to do or society wants me to do by having a marketing job in the corporate world, wearing suits and all that kind of thing.
You’re in Sydney and decide to completely change the direction of your life – how do you become a male escort?
Erin: So, you make a decision, right, during COVID lockdown to completely change the direction of your life in this way which is, as you said, unconventional to say the least. What’s your first step? How do you do it? How do you become a male escort?
Lucius: So just speaking very simply, Erin, you can just create a profile on one of (reasonably) many escort directory profile directories.
They have both men and women on them, and obviously lots of different sort of subgenres and categories. You can just sign up, make one, and pay an annual or monthly subscription. So it can be that simple.
And obviously in that case, that’s the very sort of bare bones of how you might promote yourself. You’re then kind of part of a sea of men and women often saying the same thing, possibly looking a bit similar, etc. But you can do more things – you can create a website. If you can, you can try to have a voice and do things like blog and sort of talk about topical themes.
Women want to know – is there any training to become a male escort?
Hughesy: Is there an apprenticeship you can do though? Because, you know, generally when people take up professions though, as to like – who gave you advice before you started? Did you seek advice from other men who do this or not?
Lucius: No, it’s a really good question. It’s funny.
What I can sense and gather from the male side of the industry is that… there’s not really a community where they speak with each other – at least not from what I can see. What I’ve heard from various sources is, on the female side, they very much connect and collaborate and talk on a number of different things and topics related to, you know, everything from safety to various clients out there.
Hughesy: And how to make people happy, how to make men happy.
Lucius: Exactly. But they do support each other immensely in the community. And as you can imagine…
Hmmm… just how rare are male escorts that exclusively service women?
Lucius: … the size of the female escorting population in any country is far greater than that of male escorts exclusively offering services to women.
Hughesy: How many do you know in Sydney? Do you know how many other men do this?
Lucius: I’ve only ever met one. But it’s interesting. I have a tax accountant who specialises in all things of this industry and has a lot of escorts on the books. And interestingly, he says, ‘Lucius, if you create a pie graph of all the escorts – male, female, and you know, sort of non-binary – on my books, about 85% of that pie is females, then about 14% is males offering services to other males, transgender, transsexual, non-binary.
‘Less than 1% is males offering services exclusively to women.’
So, demand kind of reflects where we’re at in relation to how a traditional conservative society [perceives sex] in many aspects, like Australia. And I have a lot of thoughts about where we kind of shape up relatively to other Western cultures, you know, with attitudes and societal values towards this kind of thing.
Are we constrained or… do women just not crave sex in a way that men do?
Erin: Do you think women just don’t crave sex in a way that men do or want that to be more, and I know you offer connection as well as that physical element but for women, that commitment, that security, that long-term relationship is more attractive – in my opinion and my experience – than kind of a quick hit of gratification, whether that be with a connection or not.
Lucius: Absolutely. And you nailed it. That is undeniably the case. What happens is, and this is something I feel very strongly about kind of professing, is that often the services of an escort – and this is whether it’s female to male, male to female, or any other kind of combination – it’s often about access related problems.
What type of women seek companionship with a male escort?
Lucius: Should I maybe tell you like just categorically who my main customers are?
All: Yes. We’d love to. We’re fascinated.
Lucius: I’d say there’s four (and this is my marketing hat)… four profiles. Four segments.
One is women – and this is why they seek an escort – one is women who are either still in, or have recently been in, abusive and or neglectful relationships, both physically and psychologically.
Hughesy: Being ignored a lot of the time.
Lucius: Well, that, that’s, that’s the other segment coming up. Yeah. I’ll get to that. So, they’re either in them and they could be traditional relationships like a marriage or a de facto but there can also be other things like, you know, opposite sex friendships with benefits, and things like that, that don’t go quite right.
Ed: Ah, right, right, right, right. Like getting strung along.
Lucius: Very much so. So there’s the first, and that’s what I’m finding personally to be the biggest category that come to me.
Second one is… I would describe it as more specifically trauma-related. Now it can be sexually-related trauma; for example, early experiences in their sexual history could have been abrasive or not ideal, and that can leave incredible scars to the point where you know, they almost need a place to go first to maybe reintroduce themselves before they then go about their ultimate objective, such as what you mentioned before.
Erin: Finding a partner.
Lucius: Exactly. And that leads me to the third category, which I described specifically as intimacy-related.
Now, as you can see, all these categories are interrelated but just to sort of call them out, the intimacy one is very classically ‘haven’t had intimacy for a long time’. And that could be related to that trauma.
And again, you know, they might be seeking ultimately a baby father and a relationship and, you know, happily ever after. But they’re in no state to do that when the stakes are high – so, for example, in the dating world or online – but they feel that ‘I can maybe use an escort to, you know, in this sort of professional escort client relationship dynamic to build up confidence, get some confidence back, be more comfortable’ – to rediscover themselves.
And that’s a really privileged and honourable place, I feel, to be able to offer that.
And then finally, category number four is (the marketing person says) the more classic, you know, no-fuss sex.
Erin: Yeah.
Lucius: So basically in that very moment in their life, they’re maybe too busy. They’ve just come out of a relationship or they’ve been married or they just can’t be –
Ed: – they’re doing breakfast radio.
Lucius: (laughing) Yep, they’re doing breakfast radio and up at the crack of dawn, exactly. And in that case it’s, you know, they may be over the apps, they may be over going out and drinking, and whatever.
Client truths: It’s women in relationships that most commonly seek a male escort
Hughesy: What percentage of your female clientele are already in a relationship, do you think?
Lucius: Most.
Hughesy: Most are already in a relationship?
Lucius: Yeah. So that first category is about sort of, abusive/neglect relationships. And that doesn’t necessarily need to be the most severe form of abuse. So this –
Hughesy: – is very discreet. You’ve got to be very discreet.
Lucius: Absolutely. And then that kind of element of like you said, being ignored. So, they’ve potentially checked out, one or both parties, and it’s that.
Hughesy: Familiarity has bred contempt and they’re just… both have just wandered off. Well, they’re still together.
Lucius: That can happen. Yeah.
The personal life of a professional male who exclusively escorts women
Erin: Can I ask you, so, so the abuse side of it aside in the people that you’re sleeping with professionally, that are in relationships – do you feel any element of uncomfortability with the fact that their partner doesn’t know you exist and that what you’re doing would cause their partner immense pain?
Lucius: That’s a great question. It’s obviously one that does play on my mind, but here’s where I choose to arrive at from a, from a personal values perspective, but also what, what’s my purpose? Why am I a male escort?
It’s not my prerogative to judge them or question them on that. One of my clients told me it took her two years – two years – from inception of the idea of potentially seeking a male escort to sending me an email. Fighting all of those barriers of societal abnormalities and all the trauma that she’s been through for me to go, ‘Sorry, you’re married?’
Erin: Oh, and I wouldn’t say that’s your responsibility at all. It’s – you’re not in a relationship – but I just wonder how you, if you’ve ever been hurt in that kind of situation yourself, how you separate, I guess, that moral side or your conscience. Because you’re playing a part in something that could contribute to the breakdown of a family.
There is massive societal judgement when it comes to escorts [and] … even worse when it is women reaching out to male escorts.[But] this isn’t about just sex; that myth needs to be dispelled straight away. It’s about so much more…
An excerpt from a client’s Letter to the Editor
Helping women see things they’d lost to rediscover their value
Hughesy: Is there a way that he could be actually reinvigorating a relationship because you are turning a woman who thinks that she’s no longer a sexual being back into a sexual being and she could, she could take that back to her actual relationship?
Lucius: Absolutely. And that absolutely does happen as well. And not only that, but classic examples of that lady then goes forward too – re-looking at fitness, eating well, doing good things, discovering old passions, etc.
It’s so much more than sex – I’ve gotta dispel that kind of classic myth.
Hughesy: I can imagine one of your main jobs is, to every client who turns up, you make them feel sexy.
Lucius: I’m absolutely entirely there for them.
It’s about reintroducing themselves to who they really are – reminding them and allowing them to see things that they can no longer see because of what they’ve been through.
And it’s like all of us, right? We look in the mirror every single day. You know, I’ve forgotten that I’m bald almost, you know, but if you meet me for the first time like this morning, you’re like, ‘you’re bald’.
Erin: That was aggressive. That was so aggressive – bald men are attractive! What do I always say, boys, about bald men? I love that.
Hughesy Vin Diesel. High testosterone.
Erin: No, I don’t say that – I say I find them very attractive.
Performance, satisfaction, and saying no to Viagra
Hughesy: Do you, of your clients, how many do you think, ‘I didn’t do a good job’? Do you know what I mean? Honestly.
Lucius: It happens occasionally –
Hughesy: – and what, 10%? 5%?
Lucius: It’s seldom. Sometimes, with those categories I mentioned? Sometimes because of those circumstances you almost, at least in the very first instance, you can’t break through. I also try my best to kind of pre-vet and say, look, this is not something that you can snap your fingers and fix.
You’ve got to manage expectations. Same in the world outside of escorting, right? It’s very rare that, you know, direct hit, complete utter satisfaction and, you know, fulfillment is, taken place so quickly.
Hughesy: Yeah.
Lucius: So, there are times when, yeah, I feel in myself like…
But I am – I can be – quite hard on myself and, you know, I really take pride in doing as good a job in whatever that particular job needs as I can.
Erin: You’re not going to be attracted to everyone that is a client of yours. How do you, do you take drugs for that?
Lucius: So, very good question. The thing is, those ladies that come forward, by virtue of the fact that they’ve managed to do so, given everything we just talked about, barriers, etc? They are all really remarkable women in one way or another.
I’m not someone who is entirely basing attraction on physicality. There is always something you can find – there’s always a connection you can make – and you can focus on that. And that goes for anything in life, this is not just –
Erin: – so you don’t take like Viagra or…
Lucius: No, no.
Erin: Yeah, okay, wow. You can always find something in there that will… okay, yeah.
Lucius: That’d be, it’d be a short-term game, I think.
Erin: Yeah. You’re right.
Hughesy: Yeah, it can be tough on your head…
A male escort attracted to the women who engage him…
Hughesy: Have you ever had to worry that… you must meet some women you’d think, ‘I would like to continue having a relationship with them’? Is that tough for you or not?
Lucius: I’m certainly very attracted and really, really enjoy spending time with some of my regulars; well, in fact, all of my regulars. I get attached because the thing is… I think by virtue of the fact they come back means that we have to have some form of connection.
They can see through fake. They can see through, you know, contrived stuff.
Hughesy: What’s your most regular at the moment? Once a week? Once a month? Or?
Lucius: Once every five days.
Hughesy: Wow – that’s a… that’s more often than most long-term relationships have intimate times.
Erin: Absolutely!
Lucius: Well, it is. And again, it’s like… if you consider the context of say, that client example and the reasons why they are requiring and asking for that incidence, then…
Erin: Are there any really dead-set glamours that you would look at and not think for a second that they’d be someone getting a male escort? Like, do you have clients that are just gorgeous, physically?
Lucius: Most of my clients! It’s really funny; I didn’t expect that this would be the case in terms of my preconceived notions before doing this.
Erin: Yeah.
Lucius: I think pretty much that of all of them, for various reasons. And it can be a combination of physicality plus other things, but it’s –
Hughesy: I honestly think that this man is, would be reinvigorating the lives of many women…
Ed: I agree.
Erin: OK, well I look forward to Holly using his services and you being comfortable with that.
Hughesy: No, I don’t think my wife needs it!
All: [laughing]
The women, the regular sex, and the panic when Erin suggests a male escort for Hughesy’s wife
Hughesy: We’re regular! Most your clients wouldn’t be having regular sex with their partners, would they? Or are they?
Lucius: As far as what I’m told, it is most often no. But the thing is as well, sometimes, you know, you need to kind of, just –
Ed: – spice it up?
Lucius: Keep up appearances, you know.
Ed: Lucius, Lucius, Lucius… just tell him man, just tell him it’s all good. If Holly wants a taste of Lucius to get rolling back on the Hughes train, then it’s all G. It’s all it’s all G.
Erin: [laughing] See how all for this you were until you put yourself in this position?
Ed: It’s all it’s all G. Mate, it’s all it’s all G.
Hughesy: Why are you speaking like a rapper now?
Ed: Because I just… you don’t understand Lucius and I –
Erin: This has been absolutely fascinating, Lucius.
Lucius: But it is actually interesting, even as a joke – it’s an interesting way of sort of reconsidering it from another perspective, isn’t it?
Hughesy: Yes!
Erin: Absolutely…
Ed: Because it means I can too!
Hughesy: Well, for Mother’s Day, which is just gone, is there any vouchers available? Mother’s Day voucher for Lucius? sydneymaleescort.com.au
Ed: Lucius, it’s been fascinating. Good on you, man. Thanks for coming in.
Erin: Thank you so much, so much.
Lucius: Thanks team.
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